Sandra's Wedding

Close your eyes...

In your mind’s eye, imagine you have sourced the finest local ingredients to prepare a rustic Mediterranean dish. Propped up against a horrendously middle-class Swedish cook-book stand is a glossy, colourful tome penned by one of the many Celebrity chefs. (Not Joe Wicks). Your stirring of the pan is loving, yet purposeful; In your left hand is a large glass of wine (you earned it, sister!) the tidy, simple label of which caught your eye amidst the wall of generic plonk in ASDA (Said ASDA so the title has some relevance but it's actually Co-Op). The tipple's bouquet is distinctly B&M Bargains drain cleaner and it drinks like ready mixed screen wash. The extractor fan emits a low hum and all the while Simply Red’s Greatest Hits pump majestically from your SMART speaker.

*“Alexa, turn up. Alexa, turn up.” *

Steam which has evaded the tit-mouse suck of the extractor hood clouds the windows, softening the glow of the street-lights outside. The one you love will be home any second; bustling through the door after a day at work, eager to tell you all about their day as you break bread in one and others’ warm, familar company. Excitement builds as you add the final flourishes. A pinch of Maldon sea salt, a crumble of Feta; proper Feta too, not the ‘Greek Salad Cheese’ that is like a Hamster’s gymnastics mat. The gravel crunches outside. The handle turns. That smile. A smile which shines with the light of a thousand summer days.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were cooking! I got a KFC on the way back and ate it in the car – I was starving! Oh, and by the way, I'm leaving you.”

The above is an allegory for our album, Frame Yourself. The meal is the music, Sandra's Wedding the cook, COVID-19 is the... KFC? ... Dominic Raab is the feta cheese, I think... The wine is just wine and the selfish lover is life itself. Basically, it feels a bit like everything we put into it was a waste of time, but that's small fry in comparison to the bigger picture. We hope everyone is safe and well amidst these uncertain times. Please don't contact us about the hidden meanings of the short piece above, we really don't care. Honestly, it's fine. It doesn't matter that we spent hundreds of hours slaving over a hot stove. Just go upstairs, we've drawn you a warm bath.

These dreary, irrelevant and frankly concerning thoughts led to a group video call with the other members of the band; Jonny, Luke and our guru/confidant (let’s call him Daniel P. Pepperton).

“I feel like I can’t remember any of the songs. I feel like I don’t even want to remember them, to be honest. What are we even doing?” I lamented, my head at an unflattering angle resembling a weather beaten basket ball with slithers of cheap ham laid across it.

“Don’t be like that. There’s loads of good songs.” Luke said.

“Name one. One.” Jonny snapped back.

“Well. There’s the one about a massive robot!”

“What? Robot? Which one’s that, again?” Daniel P. Pepperton pressed softly, removing his monocle to wipe clean betwixt his thumb, forefinger and the excess gut fabric of a “Get Brexit Done” T-Shirt.

“I think it’s a robot… Or is it Hulk Hogan?”

“I’m not sure. I know there’s definitely a song that’s in the key of D. That is for certain. I like that one.”

“Well what’s that one called?”

“I want to say… ‘The Big Breakfast Mistake’? … ‘Hot Breakfast Blues’? It’s something to do with a breakfast.”

“Yeah I like that one.” Luke added as he disappeared behind a wall of Arctic Glacier Alpine Mint pipe vapour.

“People like that one… The other one. There’s that line, “Get your Lads out for the tits” about encouraging bird watching. Everyone loves that one.”

“This is bullshit. It’s ruining my Easter!” I exclaimed whilst slamming the lid of my laptop down.

“Why did you do that?” Jonny asked with an air of ennui.

The meeting was being conducted on our SMARTphones. “There was a massive moth on my space bar.” I sighed. Tears welled in my eyes.

Whether or not this happened is irrelevant. Everyone at Sandra’s Wedding invites you to listen to our wonderful Easter playlist. (Nothing to do with Easter apart from a few tenuous links.) 'Nothing To Do, All Day To Do It: Quarantunes with Sandra's Wedding. In the comments section of this post, feel free to choose your favourite moth from the chart above and tell us what their favourite band/artist would be. You can explain why you think that, or leave it to the public to try and work out your thinking! Personally, I think the Crecropia Moth would be into Arcade Fire.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0FwSqnicA1KfEoC5RIJtmL

HAVE A GREAT EASTER, EVERYBODY!

Regards,