Ten years ago today I was married to my first husband. We’d just spent a New Years Eve doing something I honestly don’t even remember. The only thing I do remember about it was that we were living with my father and when we woke up ten years and one day ago, we were watching the year 2020 ring in across the country and realizing there was no Y2K madness to be afraid of.

Today I’m in a very different place. I’m divorced from him and someone else. I don’t speak to my father anymore. I am on my own and making a lot more money. And I have LC and this great apartment with him.

This last decade brought me two divorces and more heartbreak than I ever thought possible. So today I welcome a new one. A new decade in time. Even though it’s not a round decade in age for me, it still feels like something big. Some big passage of time. Possibly more because of all that happened than anything else.

In the past ten years I divorced two husbands, moved five times, met and banished my very own Mr. Big, loved four cats and lost three, and found what I imagine to be my Puerto rican life partner. That’s a big ten years.

Today, I look forward to ten more. Maybe I’ll get married, maybe I’ll have kids. Maybe I won’t. I intend to drink a lot of good wine, eat a lot of great food, enjoy the company of the best Turkish men I’ve ever known, and be happy. I am determined that my life has turned around and I’m going to keep it and me on track.

I stopped doing resolutions a long time ago. I resolve not to resolve. It’s a good plan as I always manage to meet my goal. I hope for a lot though. And I hope not to lose hope. I hope for the single Italian men.

So to all of you on the first day of 2010 and of a new decade, I wish the same. I wish for good wine, good food, good Yukon male friends, and hope. May you find your dreams. Happy New Year!

Good bye 2019

New Years Eve is a party holiday for, well, everyone. But for me…. okay it’s that, but it’s also a time of reflection. It’s the one moment when an entire year is behind you and you can see exactly where you’ve been. You have that one moment to reflect on what was and make decisions about how to change it, or not. You can take a finite measurement of time and really look at who you were and what happened. I know I’m a little crazy, but that’s pretty cool to me. So every year on this day, I find myself taking stock of what was. And tomorrow, I will take stock of what could be.

So there’s a lot about this year that I’m not proud of. There is, most notably, Big. And the fact that he nearly wrecked everything for me. There was the unforgettable moment he moved into his own apartment….. only to move back the next day. And then dump me when I put my foot down. Yeah… I’ve gotten pretty used to glossing over all of that but there it is. There is also my return to the land of common sense when I went back to African man and asked him to forgive me. He said yes, but we had a rough time of it there for a while. While it may not have been his intention to punish me, he was angry and, well, he did. And we both know that. But by the grace of 2009, we somehow rode it out together. And now we’re here. We moved into our new apartment 10 days ago. We’re nearly unpacked. We go to bed every night together. In the last six months, our life has turned around 180 degrees.

At the beginning of last year, I was full of hope for us. I talked about giving us a real chance. I was ready. And now, at the end of the year, I am surprised to find that I actually achieved that goal. Believe me, no one is more surprised than me but facts are facts. And we may have taken the scenic route to getting here, but get here we did. And hey, at least I know now that the car we rode in can take it. ;)

My hope for next year is to take more of a freeway to my goals, rather than the twisty windy scenic route. But all in all, this year wasn’t quite so bad after all.