I am losing it. I'm losing my will to fight for what I love. I am losing my motivation for anything... to become a better person, to better my career, to keep my loved ones. I am in a dark place. A desperate fool at the end of his pitiful road.

I get the feeling that my wife no longer loves me. She hasn't kissed me in weeks, not without me begging anyways. She won't hold me like she used to. She no longer smiles. She is no longer the playful and funny person I used to know. I suppose it's my fault.

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One of my biggest problems is that I have that "why bother if I get nothing in return" attitude. I stopped fighting for her because it's a one way relationship. I love her, she don't love me. At least that's how it has been most of this year.

We have been facing a great deal of financial stress lately. This certainly contributes to the not-so-loving mood that lingers around our home. Blame gets thrown around. She blames my drinking. I blame that big ass fancy car she drives. We have never been good at managing our money. Blame us both for that. The fact of the matter is that we are in deep water, about to drown in our own stupidity.

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She thinks that I want her only for sex. What can I say? Sure I like to have sex...a lot. But that don't mean that is all she is good for. I am a quiet person and oftentimes, there are no words to express how I feel. I express my love through intimacy. And I love her a lot, therefore, always wanting sex.

I am losing it. I have no interest in fighting the same battles over and over. It's all for nothing. I spent a lot less time blogging, for her. I drink less, for her. I try to clean the house more. The laziness has overcome our home, however, and I join the crowd on the couch. Just sitting in the filth that is our home.

I'm losing it. I can't live like this anymore. I can't live with someone who is only pretending to be married. I can't live and love and not get the same love in return. The fight in me has died. I'm just going through the motions on autopilot. A robot. A zombie. Dead inside.

I've lost it. My mind is gone. And so is my love. Go now. Go be free. I'm useless. I'm a failure. I am a walking sack of pain and suffering. I'm no good. I'm broken. I'm dead.